I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
