Soap is not a condiment
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
