and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
