I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
