I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
