Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
