You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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