i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
