I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
