I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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