Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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