my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
