my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The power of my boobs compel you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
