Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
