Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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