I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Drake has all the answers
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
