i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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