you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
