I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
