two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How external is "for external use only"?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
