i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
