he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
