I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
