I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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