we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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