We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
