But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
