Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
