This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
