hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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