so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
