saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
