drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
