Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
