He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
