i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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