is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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