Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
