As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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