for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
