I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
try to milk me bitch
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