so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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