I wish I only lived at night.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
