God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
