sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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