Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
