in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
