we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
