C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
