I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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